Monday, 8 February 2010

Whats Important ?

1. Health
2. Human Contact
3. Fun
4. Constraints

baaki,

ever since I was a little kid, Ive wanted to build a model aircraft (one that actually flies under its own power) and I still do, more than ever.
and not just from a kit....I want to come up with my own designs. how hard can it be :-)

I want to do something really cool with my iTouch and the iPad I know I will one day own. Heck....Id like to control my model plane using my iPad :D

I want to make money by doing something 'useful' in society. Make pans, provide advice(!!), build spaceships, whatever.

Im not sure I want to do a Phd any more....but I need to find a good substitute for a Phd. something I can spend a couple of years doing, thats ridiculous, unlikely, high risk, high return and high impact. before I go home, get married and start trying to not be boring and irrelevant.

Im irrelevant now too of course....but I dont feel it. Im in a place where people are moving, its 'the place to be' in theoretical physics. If a great discovery is made - in any of a staggeringly large number of fields - chances are it'll be by someone associated with PI or someone known to people associated with PI. and then the discoverer will soon be associated with PI :P

Perhaps the reason Im scared of going back home is that I feel I need to be in the 'right place' in order to feel useful and competent. Im scared once I let go of all this, the phd offers, the scholarships and the world in which these things matter, Ill be a nonentity, with no intrinsic value or interest. Maybe I rely too much on where I am in order to feel good about myself.

Maybe this would not be the case if I had some nice round meaty piece of original research in my kitty. Of any sort....something I had built, anything, anything that had come to fruition. other than scholarships I have got based on impressions I have made upon people. I keep telling myself...these are great people (and they are) both as human beings and as scientists, and if they think Im good enough....maybe I am.

Once I go home, whats to certify Im good enough for anything ? Its a family business....I would be much less concerned about taking up a random job. there, the fact that someone was paying me good money would tell me that I was worth something to them.

Nope.....I cant go back unless I resolve this. I need to go home after Ive convinced myself that my worth is something I carry around with me, not something that is bestowed upon me by the institute I am in, or the scholarship I get.
which brings me back to "doing something thats ridiculous, unlikely, high risk, high return and high impact." :D

9 comments:

comet said...

May i humbly suggest, a private space exploration and colonization venture!!

"Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before.", opening words of the Star-trek TV series.

Psmith said...

Sounds good to me :)
you in ? :P

and those words never fail to make me extremely dissatisfied with my life :D

comet said...

Im definitely in.

btw, the defence industry in India is going to be up for grabs. A startup in this area, probably focusing on communication systems or robotics would be something to consider as well.

Psmith said...

I have been thinking about that actually.

communications, robotics, micro autonomous systems....

there is scope.

Niket said...

Narsimh....EE Times...that is.

Thats where I got the Indian defense sector story too.....

How difficult do you think it really is to make, let us say, a Lockheed Martin/ Raytheon in India?

Anonymous said...

This is yet another piece explaining simply you. simply beautiful. i am actually enjoying reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

we all grow up and we should grow up. And i have strongly believed to be lived a kid inside alway and M glad, you still somewhere has kept yourself the same you were in 2007, here i see the glimpse of you. happy to see all..you are less confused now and you are more happy now. Which is good. someone stupid is reading you. and this is giving me a pleasure. nice you put your thoughts on keyboard.

Anonymous said...

Where the mind is without fear- beautiful poem also.

Ashwini Menon said...

Brave...for you to lay it all in the open... the way you did. :)