Women are the devil.

One never knows what they mean or think or feel. Unless a man is remarkably self centered and foolish (ah lucky idiots !) it is impossible for him to be certain about where he stands with a woman, especially if the woman is one who knows that he likes her. The very fact that he has told her or indicated with a degree of certainty and candour that he likes her puts him in a weak and disadvatageous position. Women simply dont have the same conception of things like honesty, transparency, selflessness etc that men do nor do they set any store by them. This is why they cannot know how much a man's word means to him and can only pretend-if they think it worth the effort-that they value it and respect him.

I find it abhorrent to think that the only thing that might make a woman not take a man for granted is her dependence on him since dependence almost entirely precludes affection, but I can see no way out. There is nothing 'pure' about a woman's affection. It is a remarkably practical 'emotion' dependent on factors superficial. And when the causes are even more cheap and superficial than usual, and the girl goes off with some absolute rotter and ruins her life, it is given as an example of the passionate and irrational love that women are capable of.

One cant keep away from them, but association with them complicates life to no end. Things dont remain like they were once a woman comes onto the scene, however 'good' she is supposed to be. Women give happiness of a remarkably wholesome and complete kind when the illusions of truth and genuine feeling they create are convincing, and feelings of infinite foolishness, regret and bitterness at the unfairness and ingratitude of it all when one finds out (as is inevitable, and the sooner the better) that they were illusions and thats all they were- again. But, if a woman is direct and candid, all men know that that means she thinks the man is not even worth the regular cheap act she generally puts up (like all the rest of 'em) and that really hurts the male pride. Its a lose-lose-lose situation for the man.

Women, I repeat, are the devil.

Sunder Kavita.

How much should I give, and how much should I take
The Sky has come to an end
The moon comes into the cup of my hands
With softly shut eyes.



I'm trying to traslate this, but as you can see I'm terrible at it.

Please help !

Its a poem by Mangesh Padgaokar from his collection "Oonjhaleet Swar Tuzhech"

"Servant of God, Well done ........."

Yes, times are bad and I'm in a really really tight spot.

The huge inertia of a dismal position, the months of indolence, the opressive sinking feeling in my stomach and the crushing weight of seemingly inevitable disaster which I feel upon my heart is fast taking me inexorably towards the end I'm so desperate to avert. The tension which makes action impossible, the fear which precludes clear thought and a mind too nervous and twitchy to calm down and concenterate are the three insidous foes I have to overcome if I'm bite the bullet and face this like a man.

I do not aim to undo the damage already done, nor do I wish to perform any heroics. My ambition is remarkably modest for one in my condition. I just want to do the best possible thing in the time remaining. Thats all. There is not much of the game left, but whatever there is, I want to play well.

If I can say to myself, that from this point on, there was nothing more that anyone could have done, I will have put my ghosts to rest. The shadow of doubt that darkens my life will lift a little, and my friends and allies of old - impossible hope, ridiculous optimism and lofty dreams - which presently lie weakened, mute and scared in the deepest caverns of my mind, will once again emerge strong and smiling, once more will they lift my spirit and bring a twinkle to my eye, "Thank you friend" they will say "We are back."

"..........for thou hast fought the better fight."

Diwali.

I'm not even sure what I would like to write about.

I could write about how the festival has been celebrated in my little city, and how things have changed over the years, how the euphoric and blissful diwalis of childhood under the watchful eyes of grandma seamlessly gave way to the daring deeds of boyhood when parents and elders were viewed as needless nuisances to be kept away from the festivities as far as possible and the comfort of grandparents and legions of cousins was ignored and forgotten in the heady daredevilry and the innocent competition that accompanied it and how this strange but happy state of mind quite suddenly turned into the surly disinterestedness of the teenager when the whole thing seemed silly, the rituals a huge pain, the smoke a disgrace, all relatives were bores and everything was pointless and why, after all that, this young man now feels that the diyas were brighter and more colourful, the houses more brilliantly lit by hands more loving, the sounds of crackers exploding were more civilized, the smoke was less pungent, the faces were friendlier, the smiles were wider, eyes sparkled and twinkled like stars, the air was suffused with happiness, minds were more willing to care and the world was a better place . . . . . when he was a child.

But whats the point ?